MISCELLANEA AD  ABSURD

 

 

 

 

In this tab you will find  thoughts of authors who have somehow impressed or even guided me throughout my life (Bertrand Russell, Marguerite Yourcenar, Pablo Neruda, Jorge Luis Borges, Felix Dahn.

It also includes short phrases that I liked for various reasons, homegrown tongue twisters (embarbussaments) and curiosities of different sign or simply historical facts, of variable length ("Bees and mathematics", "The invention of the game of chess", "Tiresias, the blind fortune teller", "Exothermic and endothermic hell", "The solfeggio", "The Chicxulub meteorite", "Faust", "The sphinx", "The 30 years war", "On plagues of locusts "," L'Encylopédie ").

Below you will find the section stories , or short stories, there are eight in total, on very different topics and different times, where history, nature or humor, often surreal, can be the central theme ("The killer mattress", "The Titisé sausage", "Fuck, fuck, cursed. Tours of a lupanar", "The music box", "The physics of the moon", The migrating lobster and the discovery of America "," La Yacu Mana de the Amazon ”,“ A possible love ”.  

Finally, another work of mine is available, the last one, a black comedy written just to laugh, and I laughed a lot, “ Siete crimes por copula ”, the investigation and complete resolution of the strange case of Espuelitas, published in 2015 by the editorial Platform. Margarito Micifú, its author, is my pseudonym, I didn't have the courage to put my real name. I recommend that you watch the presentation of the book that was made at the Abacus bookstore in Barcelona, it was really fun (format with a short version, 3 minutes, and a long version, 16 minutes).  

 

Presentation-synopsis of the work: The manuscript "Seven crimes by copula" is found by chance in a lost property office. It is the beginning of the investigations of Victorino Delicado, head of the Espuelitas neighborhood police station, who will have the help of the insightful policeman Jacinto Galí Matías. Deaths that seemed accidental will by all accounts turn into crimes. Now Victorino and Jacinto will have to stop an elusive serial killer, who seems to escape the police stalking time and time again. The case seems to be going nowhere, until the author-editor Margarito Micifú, perplexed by the roughness of the case, decides to investigate on his own. In his search, he will run into religious men with a murky past, eccentric scientists, traffickers, a corrupt judge, the angel Seraphim ... and the ingenious little bracelets Cleofás. The authorities are advised and will do well to take the measures that Margarito advises, we are not facing a game. All the facts are real, and they are duly verified. Espuelitas' tranquility must be maintained at all costs.

About this work,  literary critics Francisco García Lorenzana and Àlex Pla Delmulle wrote  that “it is an unclassifiable novel of the police-fantasy-religious genre that in many moments recalls the films of Álex de la Iglesia and in others Almodóvar, with a good literary style that slides towards the comic and absurd without no moment will ever be ridiculed. The novel forces the reader to accept from the beginning the game of being carried away by the premises of the story; and in this sense it is a work that is enjoyed in one fell swoop or is insufferable. The proposed proposal only admits unconditional surrender or rejection without palliative: there is no middle ground and for that reason it does not leave indifferent, either one loves or hates ”.  

“Crime and mystery novel, comic opera, entertaining and original black comedy that tells us about the mysterious crimes that took place in the imaginary neighborhood of Espuelitas. It is a satire, an approximation to the comic, entertaining and hilarious where situations occur that recall films like “El Milagro de P. Tinto” by the Fesser brothers, or “Delicatessen” by Jeunet and Caro. We are thus facing a fresh, unclassifiable, powerful torrential work that will delight the readers of Mendoza, Valle Inclán, Alejandro Casona, Miguel Mihura, Francisco Ibáñez, Pablo Tuset, Alfred Jarry, Ionesco, Rompetechos, the curator Sanantonio, where inventions worthy of Professor Bacterio are mixed with abracadabrabantes situations that drag us on an unstoppable and priceless merry-go-round impossible to resist. A work that has its charm in the excess and in the exaggeration bordering on the grotesque, but that never betrays the love that the author puts in his characters and in the novel. In short, a different novel, really achieved and that takes a step forward in the Valleinclanesque tradition ”.

THOUGHTS OF AUTHORS

 

Bertrand Russell

“For what I have lived, three simple but overwhelmingly intense passions have ruled my life: the lust for love, the search for knowledge and an unbearable pity for the suffering of humanity. These three passions, like great gales, have carried me here and there on a changing route over a deep ocean of anguish to the very edge of despair.

I have sought love, first, because it involves ecstasy, an ecstasy so great that I would often have sacrificed the rest of my existence for a few hours of this joy. I have looked for it, secondly, because it relieves loneliness; that terrible loneliness with which a tremulous conscience looks out to the edge of the world to look out over the cold and unfathomable lifeless abyss. I have looked for it, finally, because in the union of the  love I have seen, in a mystical miniature, the anticipated vision of heaven that saints and poets have imagined. This is what I was looking for and, although it may seem too good for this human life, this is what, at last, I have found.

With equal passion I have sought knowledge. I have wanted to understand the hearts of men. I have wanted to know why the stars shine, and I have tried to apprehend the Pythagorean power by virtue of which number dominates flow. Some of this I have accomplished, although not much.

Love and knowledge, to the extent that both were possible, transported me to heaven. But pity always made me come back to earth. The echo of cries of pain resounds in my heart. Starving children, tortured victims of oppressors, helpless elderly, hateful burden for their children, and a whole world of loneliness, poverty and pain make a mockery of what human existence should be. I ardently desire to alleviate the evil, but I cannot, I also suffer.

This has been my life. I have found it worth living, and would gladly live it again if the opportunity were offered to me. "                                 

Bertrand Russell            

Felix dahn

Writing a book is easy. Make

only a pen, ink and paper are missing,

- that patiently supports any-

want abuse -.

 

Printing a book is already more difficult,

because genius often expresses itself

sa with illegible handwriting.

 

Reading books is even more difficult

cause of the threat of sleep.

 

But selling a book is the task

more arduous to which a human being

cannot be dedicated.

 

                       Felix dahn

Jorge Luis Borges

if I could live my life again

Next time I would try to make more mistakes.

Do not try to be so perfect, I would relax more.

I'd be dumber than I've been

in fact he would take very few things seriously.

 

It would be less hygienic.

I'd take more risks, take more trips,

I would contemplate more sunrises,

I would climb more mountains, I would swim more rivers.

I'd go to more places I've never been

I would eat more ice cream and less beans,

I would have more imaginary and less imaginary problems.

 

I was one of those people who lived sensible

and prolifically every minute of his life.

Of course I had moments of joy,      

But if I could go back I would try

to have only good times.

 

In case you don't know, that's what life is made of,

just moments, don't miss the now ...

 

I was one of those who never went anywhere

without a thermometer, a hot water bottle,

an umbrella and a parachute;

If I could live again, I would travel lighter.

 

If I could live again I would start to go barefoot

early spring and would stay that way until fall.

I'd spin the merry-go-round more, I'd watch more sunrises

and I would play with more children, if I had my life ahead of me again.

 

But you see, I am 85 years old and I know that I am dying.

 

                                          Jorge Luis Borges

Marguerite yourcenar

"When the gods no longer existed

and Christ had not yet appeared,

there was a unique moment in history,

from Cicero to Marcus Aurelius,

in which man was alone ”.

 

Marguerite Yourcenar in " Memories of Hadrian "

(from the correspondence of Gustave Flaubert)

Pablo Neruda

It dies slowly . Poem

He who does not travel, who does not read, who does not listen to music, who does not find grace in himself dies slowly. He who destroys his self-love dies slowly, who does not allow himself to be helped.

A person who becomes a slave to habit dies slowly, repeating the same routes every day, who does not change brand, does not risk wearing a new color and does not speak to those who do not know.

He who makes television his guru dies slowly.

Those who avoid a passion, who prefer black on white and dots on the "ies" to a whirlwind of emotions, precisely those that rescue the brightness of the eyes, smiles from yawning, hearts from stumbling and feelings, dies slowly.

He dies slowly who does not turn the table when he is unhappy at work, who does not risk the truth for the uncertain to go after a dream, who does not allow himself, at least once in his life, to flee from sensible advice.

Those who spend their days complaining about their bad luck or the incessant rain slowly die. Those who abandon a project before starting it, who do not ask about an unknown matter or who do not respond when asked about something they know, slowly die slowly.

Let's avoid death in soft installments, always remembering that being alive requires a much greater effort than the simple act of breathing. Only ardent patience will make us achieve splendid happiness.

Pablo Neruda

SHORT PHRASES

 

“On doit des égards aux vivants; on ne doit aux morts que la vérité ” (Voltaire)

Caption at the head of the Biographie Universelle ancienne et moderne, published  under the direction of M. Michaud (1842-1854)

 

"Tantum series juncturaque pollet, tantum de medio sumptis accedit honoris"  (Horaci)

Legend that heads l'Encyclopédie de Diderot i D'Alembert, which would come to say that "as much power is obtained from large things as honor is received from small".

"In the shadow of a man who walks there are more enigmas than in all the religions of the world."  (Vita Sackville-West)

 

"It is terrible to see ignorance in action"  (Goethe)

 

In the summer of 1798, Joseph Banks offered Mungo Park, the source of the Niger River, a commission for an expedition to Australia, and at first he accepted. But Banks later received a surprising letter from Park in which Park said that he had changed his mind, since he thought that the salary of 10 shillings a day was very low, and adding that "pecuniary considerations, however despicable as they may be in themselves They serve as a good measure to judge the importance or usefulness of any trade or occupation ”.

 

Facts are sacred. Opinions are free .  (Màxima dels journalistes anglosaxons)

 

"There is nothing more dangerous for oneself than being charged with reason, and no one more dangerous for others than the one who is charged with reason." (Rafael Sánchez Ferlosio)

 

"A preface is that which is written after the book, it is put before and it is not read neither before nor after". (Pitigrilli)

 

"The nature of proud and vile men is to be insolent in prosperity and abject and humble in adversity." (Nicholas of Machiavelli)

 

"The emotion felt when transmitting knowledge is great. But it is not comparable, in intensity, to the one felt at the moment of acquiring it." (Xavier Sistach)

TONGUE TWISTER

 

L'albí nuvi nubi du el vi sa al dur savi nu.

Vens bons vins? No, I beat "bombins".

Un bell boví beu un vell vi bo

The beautiful vetlla l'abella vella

Val to say Saladí that you are "trivial"

Veu the viu qui of the vici of the bike viu.

L'Alba overturned the bowl. The bowl was worth the price. Tea l'alba el val pel bol?

Val el val pel flew what flew?

Val, Balzac, the Tsar Baltasar?

 

(Dolors Mateo and Xavier Sistach, 02.23.2002, at 00:19)

 

 

In a valley of Biscaia there are vetllades ballades. Visca i avall!

(Xavier Sistach, 02.23.2002, at 2:59 p.m.)

 

Visca i avall a la vall de Biscaia. Hi has vetllada ballada i un all

(Xavier Sistach, on 02.23.2005, at 7:50 p.m.)

CURIOSITIES

 

The invention of the game of chess

The sphinx

Tiresias, the blind fortune teller

Splendor

Solfeggio

The Thirty Years' War

L'Encyclopédie

The Chicxulub meteorite

Exothermic and endothermic hell

Bees and mathematics

About locust pests

 

SHORT STORIES

Tadeo Matacán was found by his mother inside the folding bed in his room. Was dead. Incomprehensibly, that bed fell back on itself with the boy inside it, and he was drowned and half crushed.

Police were searching for suspects for a death that did not appear accidental. Tadeo weighed 67 kilograms and was 1.74 meters tall. It was not possible for the bed to fold up by itself with the body inside, the law of gravity can allow objects to fall, never rise. It was clear that someone, from the outside, lifted the bed with Thaddeus inside and fitted it inside the furniture. In addition, the rubber bands that serve to hold the quilt so that it does not fall apart, known as octopuses, crossed the body of the deceased and grabbed him by the wrists as if to prevent him from escaping ...

This is a story that Pilarín Dete Malva-do-Satán wrote, a woman of great curiosity but of little insight. She went on a tourism trip for the elderly to southern Germany, and it was the coach guide who explained her to the entire passage to entertain them.

It is a story that occurred in the 18th century. The manuscript came to me by chance, I don't know Pilarín, but I found what she wrote interesting and I wanted to reproduce exactly the spelling that the author used to refer to the characters of German origin. I really thought the transcription he made of sounds that were absolutely strange to his ears was funny ... 

I am convinced that what really moves humans, men and women, is sex. And in this case I will refer, without taboos, openly, about sex for sex's sake, but paying; money for favors. Isn't that what we usually do, buy what satisfies us? Well, in sex it is the same: professionals who offer services. They leave us satisfied and in return we pay for their dedication, courage, bravery and contained scruples.

My name is Calandria Ortuondo, I am known as Calandria “Pechugas”, and I am the director of the “Sex-Sassions” massage center, an exclusive lupanar that fulfills what it advertises: “sexsational sex sessions”. My story will deal with the activities that happen in my place on any given day. The information is true and taken first hand; I have been a direct witness or have been informed by my workers, I know them in depth ...

The story I am about to tell is real and was partially transmitted by the prestigious psychiatrist Dr. Nicolás Cevallos, may he rest in peace.

A patient of yours, Mr. Anselmo R., a schizophrenic with a mild prognosis, was listening to the radio. They broadcast a scientific outreach program where they dealt with the issue of old age and its associated diseases. He was already an advanced age and the subject deeply disturbed him. He closed the radio and immediately suffered the first convulsions due to anxiety. He could not control himself or stop moving and this infuriated him and made him more violent. He threw the radio down hard and it was shattered. Then he continued with the furniture, paintings, chairs, tables, cutlery, crockery, glassware and everything that fell into his hands. When there was nothing left to destroy, he collapsed to the ground, exhausted, and fell asleep ...

Angelina Lupi is one of the best clients of the Mary Montaña hairdresser, and is known as "silverfish" because of the bugs she brings in her clothes when she gets the perm done. She is also one of the best prepared clients, as her son Tomasín is a renowned researcher, has won many awards and works at the University. He confidentially tells her the latest scientific discoveries and she generously reproduces them to illustrate Mary and the clients of that establishment. His intention is that these good women stop being so big and worry about the important things in life.

In days gone by, Angelina told a truly amazing story. He affirmed that it is an evidence that the Moon cannot stand in the sky without more; that there is something that keeps it firm, fixed in space. And we know that there are no strings or strings to hold it up. Therefore, without anchors, it should fall heavily onto the Earth; It is known that everything that goes up, goes down ...

It was already known that Christopher Columbus did not discover America. The Vikings [1] were the first to set foot on the islands that border the northeast mainland, although they were unable to establish themselves permanently. And it has been known that irrefutable physical evidence has been found confirming the Viking presence much further south of Newfoundland, in the middle of the United States. It is evidence achieved in the most unimaginable way.

In the Beartooth mountains [2] is the so-called Grasshoppers Glacier, the lobster glacier, located 3,200 meters high, which has been retreating on its surface due to the increase in temperature produced by the supposed climate change ...

 

On November 4, 1972, Mr. Otto Hoffmansegg was navigating the Amazon river Pañayacu, in Ecuador, together with his three children, Klaus, Hermann and Hermelinda, plus the Indian Apolinario, a brave and hard-working guide who knew all the roads of Jungle. They were heading to the Pamfilia mission, admired for its white beaches. There they could easily hunt the “motelo” turtles and collect the delicious eggs that were sold at a good price in the Puerto Orellana market.

They would also take advantage of the trip to bring supplies to Father Cesarín Santos, Trinitínio missionary outstanding in that mission so far from the commercial routes. Father Cesarín had for companions two dogs affected by severe bronchitis and two pigs that went by the name of Faustín and Faustillo, which seemed to be ninety years old and had sold their souls to the devil to obtain wisdom. They had survived the most terrible famines of Father Cesarín and his attempt to eat them, but they perceived it and disappeared by magic. They only reappeared when the priest had satisfied his hunger with the miraculous ingestion of some food that appeared by divine cause, there was no other explanation ...

At the end of the 18th century, a beautiful, tender and hazardous love story took place. It is said that in the world there are circumstances difficult for our limited human mind to understand. Assuming that there are superior beings, benefactors, who propitiate these events, and I believe in them, I am convinced that this story was imagined from beyond by a cherub [1], named Dom Quérubon. From a dimension unknown to us, his dream came true on our earth plane. Little did the characters who lived through this story imagine that their circumstances were not due to chance ...

 

SEVEN CRIMES PER COUPLE